I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
