Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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