I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
