Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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