Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
