goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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