Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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