I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
