oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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