I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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