you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
