I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Randomize
