Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
