I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
