guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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