if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We need to get me chipped asap
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
