yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
