I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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