So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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