Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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