Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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