so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
