Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
