i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
