she smelled like a LAN party
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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