Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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