Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
