goodnight i made you a song goodbye
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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