We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm passing your future prison.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
