I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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