Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
