In America we eat man semen.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
