so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
