My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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