Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
