Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
