this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize