so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
