no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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