don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
