i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
