I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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