; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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