I wish I only lived at night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you bring me the toilet please
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
