great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
