they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
