okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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