you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
