He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
