so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I touched a dick in church today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
