I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
